Funny Story Wife Hiding Under the Bed

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again

Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat

Ratatouille's Remy hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

FBI Investigation.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague?

He got prison for caching false Czechs.

A Blonde A Brunette and A Redhead trespassed onto a farm

later a farmer came to chase them out so they all went hiding in the barnyard. The redhead hid with the pigs and said "oink" "oink", the brunette hid with the cows and said "moo" moo", and the blonde hid under a potato sack and said "potato" potato"

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

On a scale of 1 to Osama...

How good was the hiding spot?

(real news) In Virginia, a man stole a samurai sword from a store by hiding it in his pants.

He later denied having the sword, telling police he *was* just glad to see them.

You can explore hiding conceal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hiding lurk dad jokes. There are also hiding puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?

Good hiders, aren't they?

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

They are really good at it.

What do you call an amphibian in hiding?

Incognitoad.

Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

A mother skunk had two kids that she named In and Out.

A mother skunk had two kids that she named In and Out. Whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day Out was in but she couldn't find In anywhere. She looked everywhere for In; up, down, left, right, but she could not find In. Finally she asked Out to find In, and Out went right to where In was hiding. When the mother skunk asked Out how he knew where to find In, he replied
"Easy. Instinct."

What's it called when you're killing time at work hiding in the bathroom?

Stalling.

Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car.

Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.

Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.

Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.

Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.

Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.

Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.

My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised.

In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.

Physics Joke

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".

If a black guy is in hiding

He has gone incog-negro.

Hitler walked in to a bar...

The bartenders says "whoa, hitler I thought you were dead"

Hitler says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"

The bartender asks "why the clowns?"

Hitler says "see no one cares about Jews"

TIFU by hiding in poison oak

Whoops, wrong shrub

Where was Saddam Hussein found hiding?

Between Iraq and a hard place.

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

Why don't you ever see a hippopotamus hiding in the trees?

*Because they're really good at it.*

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?

After reading this reposted joke everyday, the elephants realized their hiding spot was discovered, and found a new one.

Hiding an erection isn't as easy as you may think...

It's harder than it looks...

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

How come we never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're REALLY good at it

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

CoVid-19 is making the world a prettier place.

I mean, the ugly people are still there, but the mask does a great job of hiding it.

Why does no one ever see hippos hiding in a tree?

Because they're so good at it

My wife found I was cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding

After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me ever again

Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.

They're bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, notices Newton and says: Ha, gotcha Newton! , but Newton just replies: Nah man, you got Pascal.

I sexually identify as a Lootbox

I won't tell you what I'm hiding, it costs too much to open me up, and once you do it's probably not going to be what you want

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again.

Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're so good at it!

Please don't ban me

Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees

Because they're very good at it.

Why are leopards so bad at hiding?

No matter where they hide, they're always spotted

Two mentos are in a bar...

...just enjoying a drink of coke, (as they do of course.)

Then a Halls Cough Drop walks in.

One of the mentos hides under the table. Shaking.

The other one asks him "What's up?"

The mentos hiding under the table replies "You don't wanna mess with him... "

"...he's F--K!NG MENTHAL!"

In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first.

I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.

Ophelia: "Babe, come over."

Hamlet: "I can't. I'm hiding a body."

Ophelia: "My dad's not home."

Hamlet: "I know."

I'm hiding in my Finnish Neighbours shed, waiting to jump out and surprise him.

It's like a sauna in here.

When I was younger, I didn't want to imagine my parents having sex...

So I'd watch them while hiding in their bedroom closet.

A man went to confession (again)

"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"

"Of course you can."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

I woke up last night from a noise somewhere in the house.

My wife turned to me and whispered "It must be a thief. Go downstairs and check."

Reluctantly, i went downstairs. I checked every room but couldn't find the thief.

I knew this sneaky guy was hiding somewhere but where?

Then i remembered- i don't have a wife.

Why do you never see an elephant hiding behind a tree?

Because they're very good at it

Here's a trilogy of jokes

You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?

Because they are good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest sound in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries

Why don't you see elephants hiding in a tree?

Because they're very good at it.

Why do the elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in a cherry tree.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.

How come you never see a Rhinoceros hiding in a tree?

Because they are really good at it.

My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I'd been hiding.

She got really mad and said she's never going to play Scrabble with me again.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.

She got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again

A man is sitting at home…

when he hears a knock at his door. He opens the door and there's no one there- cranes his neck to look and see if anyone is hiding he looks left and right- nothing.
As he's about to close the door- he looks down and sees a snail. He shrugs his shoulders and flicks the snail across his yard.
2 years go by
The same man is at home and there's a knock at the door.
He opens the door and a snail says, Hey! Whatcha do that for?

A man was recently arrested after being found hiding in a wardrobe.

When the police asked him what he was doing there, he said 'Narnia business'.

You know why a leopard are bad at hiding?

Because they're always spotted.

Why don't you ever see ninja hippos hiding in trees?

Because that's how good they are.

What do you call a man hiding in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

Today in my biology lesson, my teacher told us that all big cats hunted by hiding, except leapords.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, because they're always spotted."

A pirate walks into a bar

I pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel where his hat should be, hanging down covering part of his face. The bartender asked if he was hiding his face for a reason.

"Aye," the pirate said. "I have a bounty on me head."

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/hiding-jokes.html